AimaimNO MUM, NOT AT ME!
by Kitty.M.Smith
Summary: Merida decides to take Elinor out for an archery lesson...
1. Today, ye shoot arrows

A/N-Man I love this movie. I never thought something would amount even closly to Treasure Planet, but, finally, Disney and Pixar have produced a movie that goes into my hearitage that touches my heart and makes me want to dance a Scottish jig. I hope you enjoy this random one-shot, and I do not own anything reconized to belong to Disney or Pixar.

* * *

Elinor snoozed in her bed one lazy afternoon, guiltily greatful there was absolutly no duties of any kind she had to tend to at the moment. She could just sleep.

Or so she wished.

"MUM!" Merida yelled as she jumped and tackled her mother to the floor, pulling the blankets with them.

Elinor grunted and rose on one elbow, Minerva practically sitting in her lap. "Merida Maria DunBroch..." She growled.

"Mum! Mum! Mum, Mummy, Mama do you know what day it is?!" Merida squealed excidedly, clasping her hands on Elinor's shoulders and shaking her slightly.

"Umm...I guess it be Friday?" Elinor said, raising an eyebrow.

Merida shook her head rapidly, "Nooooo! Today is the day I take ye out ta shoot arrows!" Her voice reached a squeaking tone in her happiness, jumping to her feet and pulling Elinor up with her.

Elinor raised her one eyebrow higher, "Shootin arrows? Well I wish ye would have told me if I'd be doing anything like shootin' arrows today."

Elinor didn't even know how to hold a bow correctly; let alone shoot an arrow. She'd been curious, yes, but it was never a big persue in her life. Since the bear incident she'd been much more layed back, but she'd still never seen herself shooting an arrow. And the fact that Merida was saying she'd be teaching her to shoot an arrow today, she was full of hidden curiosity and excitment.

"Wait, Dad didn't tell you?" Merida said, looking confused. Elinor shook her head no, crossing her arms slightly under her chest.

Merida rolled her eyes and groaned loudly, "DAAAAD! YE DIDN'T TELL MUM?!"

King Fergus appeared inside the room a moment later, dressed for the day and wiping his hands on his kilt, probably just coming from breakfast. "Tell yer mum what, Merida? I thought we agreed to let 'er sleep in!" He looked at the now awake Elinor and, for some reason, smirked.

Merida looked at Elinor like he was, and chuckled slightly. She then turned around, walked over to her father and punched his arm, "Ye big oath! I told ye I'm takin' Mum out to teach her to shoot some arrows!" She sighed deeply and rolled her eyes again.

"Oh quit it Merida, I'll come meet you by the stables in a few minutes, alright?" Elinor told her, blowing air out of the corner of her mouth.

Merida nodded, "Yeah, alright Mum. I got Fruisa all hooked up for ye too." She started to the door, and then stopped, giving her mother a small, amused grin. "Oh and Mum?"

"Yes Merida?"

"Ye may want to get a different nightgown. That one you be wearin' is just a _wee _bit..._low."_ Elinor looked down and quickly pulled up her, as Merida put it, _wee bit low _nightgown front. Merida started laughing soon as she left the room.

"Aw, it isn't _that _low Elena." Fergus said, winking at her.

Elinor snorted and stared up at the ceiling. _Men._ She thought, slapping his chest jokenly, "Oh shut up, ye big oath."


	2. Yer going to shoot yerself in thee arse

Here is the next chapter of the little story! I thank you all so much for the positive reviews and am sorry I couldn't have gotten the story in sooner (school is rather time consuming). Please read and review and enjoy. Thank you! :)

I do not own Brave, which belongs to Pixar and Disney.

* * *

Merida waited outside at the stables, leaning against Angus, her black and white clydstale, and munching on a apple as she wished her mother could move faster. It felt like a century before her mother came outside, this time dressed in a light purple gown with dancing bears embroidered on it, much to Merida's surprise.

"Where'd ye get thee new dress, Mum?" She asked. Her mother only ever wore her green dress with the golden flowers and chain around her waist except for special occasions.

"Ye' father gave it to me for me birthday," she said, twirling momentarily, which landed her by her snow white clydstale named Fusia. "Do ye like it?"

Merida nodded, hopping onto her horse. "Yeah, it's pretty, ironic with the bears though."

Elinor shrugged. "Eh. We can't change the lessons we learn or the actions we take, so why bother dreading?" She smiled cheerfully and then hopped onto her own horse, tossing her hair she now kept down behind her shoulders.

Merida nodded at her mothers wisdom. "What's thee occasion though, I'm askin."

"I'm gonna be learnin' to shoot an arrow today, I find it a rather special occasion."

Merida felt happy at that and clicked the reins on Angus, starting off into the forrest with her mother right by her side.

A few minutes of troting and they slowed to a canter, then to a fast paced walk and kept that pace steadily.

"Mum, you willin' ta make a bet with me?"

Elinor looked uneasy, "Well, a lady does not-"

"Mum?"

"Yes Merida?"

"If ye was still a lady, ye wouldn't be with yer daughter out an' 'bout in the woods so ye can learn how ta shoot an arrow. Yer a woman now, and a woman, she bets, if she be willin' to pay the price."

Elinor blinked at her daughter, considered her words, and decided they were right and smirked. "Well then, I be willin' ta make a bet with ye, ye yerself be willin."

Merida grinned. "Right 'ten. I'm bettin' that by sundown, you'd have shot yerself in yer arse wit' an arrow at least once."

That made Elinor's face turn rather red and she gave Merida a slightly annoyed look.

Merida shrugged, "Just sayin' Mum, ye never 'ave handled an arrow before..."

Elinor snorted and rolled her eyes. "Just tell me ye bloody wager girl."

Merida steered Angus off the forest path and to the left, her mother quickly following suit, and stopped in a clearing with targets set up that just so happened to be the same campsite where Mo'redu had attacked her family when she was a wee girl. She dismounted her steed and tied him to a tree by a water trough and made sure there were plenty of oats and apples within reach for both him and Fusia.

After both women gave the horses a good pat down and a treat for carrying them the lengthy distance to the shooting spot, Merida turned to her mother, bow and arrow in hand.

"Here's my wager, Mum. I bet ye ye won't be able to hit more than one target yerself the entire time we're out 'ere shootin. And that you'll shoot yerself in thee arse a couple of times."

Elinor raised an eyebrow high and crossed her arms over her chest. "Aye. I reconize the wager. What if I do hit a couple of targets meself, eh? And the arse part is NOT part of the bet!"

Merida put a hand on her hip and smirked, looking around thoughtfully. "If ye can shoot more than one arrow inta the target I'll...hmm..." She tapped her chin and then snapped her fingers. "I've got it! If ye can shoot 'least 2 arrows yerself into the bullseye of the target, I won't give the boys a single one of my deserts for a month, go out in ma' birthday suit and jump off the docks, and I'll give ye my best sword for practicin' with Dad so ye may actually beat 'im sometime!"

Elinor considered it. Though doing a nude dive off the docks certaintly wasn't lady like and bloody embarassing to a kingdom for a princess to be doing it, it would be personally embarassing for Merida and funny as hell to see the townsfolks looks...she did like that sword...and the boys did need to stop having so many treats...

"Ye got a deal, Merida!" Elinor held her hand out, and Merida just about shook it, but stopped an inch away from her mothers hand.

"But Mum, if ye loose, the boys and I all get extra desserts for a month, I keep the sword and you have to call me "Queen Merida" for two weeks, and _you _have too jump off thee docks in yer birthday suit!"

Elinor pulled her hand back quickly, staring with wide eyes at Merida, considering every option...

And decided to hell with it for once in her life.

She stuck her hand back out with a determined face, and Merida shook it heartily, looking satisfied.

"Ye got a bet m'dear."

Merida grinned, "No backin' out, Mum."

Elinor gave her a fake reassuring smile. "Aye Merida, no backin out."

With that Merida turned to the right and grabbed a quiver of hand crafted arrows and a freshly made bow and handed them to her mother, who placed the quiver on her person correctly from years of watching her daughter and husband do it themselves.

Getting the arrow into the bow was another story. After several minutes of Merida bantering how to load it, and Elinor dropping it on the ground or miss-firing it at a tree mixed with several un-ladylike curses Merida didn't even know, she finally got the arrow in the bow correctly.

"Now Mum, ease back now, slowly, slowly, till yer hand is level with yer cheek, there now, good."

Elinor took an uneasy glance at the wimpy looking string she was using too pull the arrow back on and then at the target that seemed miles away and gulped quietly.

"It don't take that much, Mum. Now when I say, yer going to hold yer bow steady, let go of thee arrow, and watch where it lands. Don't want to loose one now if you overshoot." Merida soothed her mothers tense nerves kindly. "See? Like this." Merida shot a bow that landed perfectly in the bullseye as if it were childs play. Elinor breathed deeply and looked straight ahead.

"Ye ready Mum?"

"I'm ready, Merida." She said calmly, though her teeth would be chattering if she hadn't clenched them so tightly.

"Alright Mum...ready...set...RELEASE YER ARROW!"

Elinor let go of the arrow.


	3. OWWWWWAAARRRRUUUUGAAAAHHHH!

The arrow flew through the air. For a fleeting moment Elinor was hopeful and thought it would hit the target, but she hoped against reality. The arrow overshot the target by a mile, skimming a tree and then somehow knocking backwards off the second one. Merida and Elinor watched with open mouths as it flew over there heads and hit a large cluster of boulders, ricoshading crazily off of several other boulders before flying, straight for Elinor. Before she could move, the arrow hit her. Hard.

Right.

In.

Her.

Arse.

"AIIIIIIIEEEEE!" Elinor howled, jumping around and gripping the arrow stuck in her arse, cursing like a drunken sailor. "ME ARSE, ME ARSE, ME BLOODY ARSE-DAMN IT ALL TO MOR'DU IT HURTS LIKE A ROTTEN LITTLE DEVIL-SON OF A-"

Merida clapped her hand over Elinor's mouth and used the other to hold her mother down by the shoulder. Elinor calmed to the point of looking at her with wide eyes like a fish.

"Mum, please, no more cursin'. The first round was scarin' me, I dun think anyone could stand the second."

Elinor blushed and Merida slowly removed her hand from her mother. Elinor kept a hold of the arrow though. Damn it hurt.

"Where'd you learn ta curse like that anyway?" Merida asked curiously.

"Eh, well ye father taught me a few-"

"Hundred. A few hundred Mum, don't lie."

Elinor shrugged. "Forget da bloody cursin', how we gonna get this arrow outta my-OWWWWAAAAUUUURRAAAGGGG" Elinor exploded into another bout of loud cursing after Merida pulled the bloody arrow straight out of her arse.

"There we go, it's out." Merida said, throwing the arrow to the side. It would be rather akward trying to use it otherwise.

"Merida!" Elinor growled through clenched teeth.

"Mum!" Merida copied her, holding her hands over her arse and pretending to look enraged like her mother. Now this made Elinor angry.

"Merida Maria DunBroch!" She snarled and head-butted Merida, who stumbled back in shock.

"What are ye Mum, a bull?"

Elinor glared, crossing her arms. "Unless I ask ye too, DON'T RIP AN ARROW OUT OF MY ARSE!"

"I hope you never tell me that."

"Shut your trap, Merida."

Merida loaded her bow, aiming for the target. "Love ye too, Mum." And she shot the arrow, hitting the target perfectly, as always.

"So Mum, you ready ta go skinny dipping, or are ye still in fer the bet?" Merida smiled way to sweetly. So sweetly in fact that Elinor made a "hmp" sort of sound and marched right in front of the target at the shooting line and put the arrow in her bow perfectly. Merida admittedly looked nervous. Her mother could take on to things quickly. She'd learn a new stitch perfectly in less than two days. A new song in a few hours. She could memorize a map in a few minutes. She was a brilliant woman. Ladylike, but more than brilliant. She began to regret the bet. Really, the village boys already eyed her, giving them the satisfaction of seeing her naked would be too much...

Thank God her mother's aim was as good as her father's table manners. This time it stuck itself in a tree.

"I MEANT ta do that!" Elinor announced, stomping over to the tree and ripping the arrow from it.

"Mhm, sure ye did, Mum." Merida said with a smirk, putting her hands on her hips and watching her mother.

"Shut up Merida."

"Make me Mum."

"You do not want me to do that Merida, oh no, no, no, no." Elinor said as she took two arrows from her quiver and shoved them into the bullseye of the target.

Merida chortled, "that doesn't count Mum."

"Must I say it again girl? SHUT. UP."

Merida grabbed the arrows from the target and put them in her mother's quiver.

"Why exactly, Mum, would I not want ta make you shut me up?"

Elinor smirked. "Just how many uncles do ye have, Merida?"

Merida thought for a moment. "12."

"You know just how many of those uncles are brothers o' mine, dear?"

Merida blinked, "3 are yers, the rest are Dad's, right?"

Elinor just shook her head, again aiming for the target, and again missing, this time planting the arrow in the ground.

"Only 2 are ye Dad's, Merida. Thee rest are me brothers. 8 older, 2 younger. I thought I told ye this."

Merida stared at her mother in wide eyed amazment. Her uncles were all absolutly mad in one way or another, but all ove them she loved. She always assumed they were mostly related to her father, since most had more red hair than brown. But when she thought about it, she'd never met her mothers parents. They may have had red hair.

"Bloody hell Mum, ye mean ta tell me ye-"

"Grew up wit a buncha' boys? Yes, I did Merida. And they taught me how to fight. And get what I want-well actually me mother did a better job at that than they did..." Elinor seemed to think about it for awhile.

"But Mum, yer so prim and proper all thee time! I mean, there's no way ya coulda-"

"Merida, I act how I was raised to act, but every coin has two sides." Elinor looked rather mischivious. And as she loaded her bow and shot an arrow once again, this time, oh yes this time, she got a bloody bullseye. Smack in the center. Perfect.

"Oh-Oh me Lord- I-I got it! I got it! I GOT IT!" Elinor's screech rose to such a high pitch, Merida had to cover her ears. Elinor jumped around and spun like a ballerina, the giddist of grins on her face.

"I GOT IT! I SHOT AN ARROW INTA THE BULLSEYE! BLOODY HELL-BLOODY HELL I DID IT! YESS! YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!"

"MUM!"

Elinor kept jumping around and turned to Merida and pranced over to her side like a proud deer. "I got a bullseye! HA! I told ye I could do it Merida- I told ye!"

Merida smirked and held an arrow out to her mother. "Question is, Mum, can ye do it 'gin? Two bullseyes was thee bet, not one."

Elinor's face went from full enthusiasam of a child to a grumpy look of a person who'd been cheated.

"It was one bullseye!"

"It was two, Mum."

"One!"

"Two."

"One!"

"two."

"ONE!"

"QUIT BEING SUCH A CHILD AND SHOOT THA DAMN ARROW WOMAN!"

Elinor blinked and then huffed, muttering some more curses Merida never knew existed and took a shot, this time bouncing the arrow off a rock, off another rock, and yet again into her arse.

"OWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Merida pointed, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"SHUT UP MERIDA!"

"YOU'VE GOT AN ARROW IN YOUR ARSE!"

"MERIDA, SHUT THE HELL UP."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA IT'S A-ALIGNED WITH T-THE OTHER! JUST ON THA OTHER CHEEK! HAHAHAHA!" Merida was tearing up now, doubling over with laughter.

"MERIDA, SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Merida stopped dead and snapped into a perfectly still position, staring in amazement at her mother. Elinor was standing perfectly still as well, looking like a deer in front of headlights. That was a curse like no other to every Clan in the kingdom. It had been said one other time, and only by the former leader of the Macintosh clan when a sword had been driven through his heart. He'd died a second later with that word the last spoken by him.

"Merida I-I, um, t-t-that was u-uncalled for I-I uuuum, oh bloody h-hell Merida I-I'm s-s-sorry!"

Merida stood there, blinking. "Mum I never knew ye could speak like that, even after all I 'erd today."

Elinor blushed a deep scarlet, ripping the arrow out of her own arse and tossing it with the other. "I-I um...p-picked it up..."

Merida breathed deeply, and in three second shot all the arrows from her quiver into the bullseye and then looked back at Elinor.

"Mum, I don't care if ye say that round me, or anyone else fer the matter, but we've got five minuts till sundown, and ye still need ta shoot one more arrow in a bullseye."

Elinor's eyes widen and she looked up at the sky. Only five more minutes. It was close to sunset, pink already scattered in the clouds. She grabbed an arrow from her quiver and went totally focused to try and shoot the target. One hit the edge. Another, it hit a tree, and yet another hit the ground and one flew out into the trees. Elinor managed to get to the 10pt line with 3 other arrows by the time Merida returned with it.

By that time, it was practically sundown.

"Alright Mum, ye got one. More. Shot. Make it count." Merida told her, carefully handing her the arrow. Elinor nodded shakily, yet steadily loaded her arrow. She pulled back, aligning her hand with her cheek, looking down the arrow to what it was pointing at. She breathed deeply, calming her nerves, trying to connect herself with the arrow.

_Calm, Elinor, calm...you can do this...just...aim...right_

She released the arrow.

* * *

Cliffhanger. Problem? Yes I am a troll. ;p

Thank all of you so, so, SO much for the reviews! I never expected the reaction to this that I actually got. You all are so kind, generous and nice. Thank you so much! Please keep reading and reviewing and thank you all for waiting paitently for these chapters! School is mean. -_-

Brave belongs to Disney/Pixar.


	4. What do ye do wit a drunken sailor?

Brave belongs to Disney/Pixar.

Note, I added a song in here. It starts out rather weird and goes into a bout of stupid and hopefully funny comedy. It is unedited and off the tip of my tongue. Try and put your own tune to it, generally celtic in a way. It...well I kinda thought of the Grim Fairy Tales when I was writing it.

It isn't a...nesscary read I guess. The ending is pretty funny personally. But you can skip it. The ending of the story, however, I can gurentee you LAUGHS, LAUGHS, LAUGHS.

Story is mine.

* * *

The arrow went straight. It went true. It went proudly and quickly into-

Elinor's arse.

Again.

Seriously?

This time she didn't scream or cry or curse, she just stood there tight lipped, teeth clenched, eyes wide, staring at the sky that now only had the last few traces of pink it it, the rest dark, milky clouds in an otherwise dark sky. Merida was off to the side, lighting a lantern they'd brought with them.

Illuminated in the light, Elinor's face looked pained in two ways. One was physical, obviously from the third arrow in her arse (right below the hole on the right cheek too), the other was emotional. Merida couldn't tell if it was because she lost the bet and knew she'd soon loose her pride in jumping off the dock, or because she wouldn't get the sword or the boys to eat healthy for a while. Probably the first.

With a grunt, Elinor ripped the arrow from her arse and tossed it with the others. The blood was now leaking onto the back of her new dress.

"...Hope one of the maids can get the stain out..." Merida commented, lighting the other three lanterns that were held on the horses sides with their saddles.

"Madeline will be able to. Did it fer yer father." Elinor replied cooly, taking the arrows and putting them by the others. Servants would clean the set up later.

"How are ye gonna ride a horse?" Merida asked with a smirk, jumping on her own horse.

Elinor bit her lower lip and looked at Frusia. "What do you got to say girl?"

Frusia whinnied and shook her head. Elinor thought for a moment, then tried getting on her usual way, but found simply lifting her leg into the foot step was beyond painful.

"Ye gotta not move yer legs Mum." Merida said, leaning on Angus's neck.

"I know that girl, I know that. Let me think." Elinor glared at the saddle on Frusia in deep thought, then snapped her fingers and walked about 10 yards away. "Long as I keep them straight, they don' hurt as much."

Merida raised an eyebrow. "I'm 'fraid what yer gonna do Mum."

Elinor smiled far to sweetly, took a running start, and front flipped forward, doing a series of front flips and cartwheels, all while keeping her legs straight, and landed on Frusia side saddle without fault. Merida stared wide eyed. Even the horses seemed surprised.

"How da HELL did YOU just...do...WHATEVER THAT WAS?!" Merida exclaimed while bouncing on her horse, looking like a small child. Now THAT was impressive! Maybe a thin and slight frame had it's advantages.

Elinor smiled rather childishly. "Amazin' what 'appens when you 'ave 7 brothas who know their way 'round lessons."

"...What does THAT mean?!"

Elinor said nothing and flicked Frusia's reins, starting off at a walk.

Merida did the same to Angus, catching up with her. "That didn't answer ma question Mum!"

"Well, I never did say I was planin' on answerin' any question you'd be given me, now did I?"

"UGH, Muuuuuuuuummm!"

Elinor chortled lightly, adjusting herself to put less pressure on the holes now reciding in her arse.

"Oooooh, I thought ye said a lady doesn't chortle now? Bloody hypocrite!" Merida snorted sarcastically, speeding up a tiny bit.

Elinor made no move to increse speed. Her arse was sore enough. "I thought ye said I wasn't a lady anymore?" She smirked.

Merida just sped up more, moving in front of her mother. Elinor didn't know what to do, so she said nothing and just began singing in her sweet but deep voice:

"Down in the bog, where thee frogs sing at night,

By the candles light,

He huuuuunnts,

Not fer himself,

Not fer his Clan,

But fer the singin' pixies, all over this laaaaaAAAAaaaaaannnddd-"

Merida inturrupted, picking up the favorite song of hers.

"Up and down the bogs he went,

Forever hunting,

Forever hunting,

Not for frogs,

Not for the grey fish that lay in the bottom,

Nor the flies that swarm the rotted meat,

But for dey Bummer,

Dey Bummer of Bogs, who's song is sang throughout Harvest Moon,-"

"Throughout Harvest Moooooonnnn," Elinor carried.

"He skips and he dances till he finds an old troll,

So narled and snarled is he,

His breath smells like rotten old birds, choked up with weeds.

"What do you want, hunter?"

He asks with tone grim and smelly,

"I search for the Bummer for the pixies of summer,

So some day I may sing with them,

And dance ballet, swing and sway,

Until my days end."

Elinor, at that point feeling parched, took out a metal canteen and swigged from it.

"What is that, Mum?"

"Mmmm, bog water whisky me child."

Merida crinkled her nose. "That stuff is to strong, even fer Dad."

Elinor snorted, taking another large swig. "It not be too strong, yer father be too weak."

Merida blinked. She'd found out more about her mother in just this one night than she had in an entire lifetime. It was enlightening, interesting, but in some way also terrifying. But that didn't mean she was tempted to try the whisky.

"Mum...would it be...to strong fer...fer me?"

Elinor looked at Merida, belching rather loudly. She already looked a bit tipsy.

"You want to try? Go ahead." She held the bottle out to her.

Merida pulled Angus to the side and back tracked so that she was within reaching distance of the canteen. She took it from her, looking into the dark bottle.

"Well, ere goes nothin'."

She took a swig, and immeidatly started coughing. It burned. OOooooooh did it buuuuuurrrrrrnnnnn. Like liquid fire. She felt like her lungs were going to jump out of her mouth she was coughing so much. Then, then it reached the good part. It started bubbling, , all of her throat had a silly tickling sensation that made her first giggle, then chortle, and then full out laughing. She laughed and laughed like a lunatic. The stinging taste in her mouth was painful, but good. She took another swig. The burning was there, but she didn't cough this time. It turned bubbly again, and she continued laughing.

Elinor smirked and snatched the canteen, swigging from it heartily. "Ye stronger than yer father, that's fer sure."

"It's...It's BUBBLY! YEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!"

Elinor sighed. "Nevermind. Lightweight."

Merida leaned over, grabbing the canteen and chugging from it before Elinor got it back from her.

"You're crazy child!"

"WHY IS IT BUBBLY?!" Merida laughed madly and then flopped her face into Angus's main and laughed harder.

"It's da bog water child...sure ye alright?"

"I'm fine Mum! LET SING A SONG!"

Elinor, easily tipsy at least, took another long swig. Oh yes. A song sounded lovely at the moment.

"YE PICK IT UP MERIDA!"

"NO YOU MUM!"

Elinor giggled madly and hiccuped. "WHY DUN WE BOTH SING IT?"

Merida giggled crazily. "BRILLIANT!

So with that, they both drunkly started their song, loud, proud, staying on their horses only because they were smarter than their riders were currantly.

"The troll grinned,

"So ye wanna dance little boy?"

The hunter he nodded, his eyes full of stars,

"Yes ye troll, I want this,

it's my lifes only dream..." He paused,

Looking at the troll with a curious eye,

"Perhaps you could help me,

Should you be so kind?"

The troll layed back, his snaggled teeth filled with grime,

"Why yes I can young hunter, should you just give me time."

"How much time?" He asked, hopping to the next rock,

Holding a sock,

Filled to the top with rotting fish.

"How much to you have? A minute, an hour, a day or a week,

Hell, I'll take three months to be meek."

"Take what you want."

He said with a grin.

"Long as I soon will dance with the pixies,

Swing and sway,

Till the end of my days."

The troll smiled. "Give me your hand."

So the hunter leaned forward, looking golden with happiness.

The troll, he took his hand,

And took some dime,

Only worth a dime,

Really.

Soon as it was finished,

Out of the dark came a song,

So chilling and sweet,

The hunter jumped to his feet.

"The pixies!" He cried, his eyes so very light.

His jumped in a pirouette, dancing down the slippery rocks,

With great grace,

But it simply wasn't enough.

He followed the tune for a good four feet,

or two.

But soon enough,

He fell into the bog,

Hit his head he did.

He was dead as a log.

So then the troll smiled, creepy and quiet.

Before it's eyes glowed, and its mouth parted.

For the troll wasn't a troll,

But the pixies, it was.

They'd needed some time,

The hunter had enough.

"You would get to dance with the pixies till the end of your days,

But, oh foolish boy, there is only one way,

To swing and sway,

With the pixies all day."

They flew away, smiled and played,

glowing little lights in the darkness that night.

"Only if you can pass the Bummer,

In the summer,

When she sings her haunting tune.

But only a fool,

Would be so small minded as you.

For the Bummer does not sing in summer,

But the Sirens sure do!"

By the end of the song, Merida and Elinor had reached the castle, empty canteen and off their rockers. Or rather, their horses. They really didn't even know they were at the castle. They were too busy laughing and hugging each other, snorting out the last few lines.

They created such a comotion that it drew out the servants, maids, cooks, Merida's brothers and her father. All of them came out in their night clothes, curious. After seeing the scene, many were more than surprised. Not by Merida, she was expected to act strange, but Elinor. Well..._oh my._

Fergus furrowed his brow, ushering the boys behind him, though they still peeked.

"Elena?"

Elinor swerved drunkly and looked at him with crossed eyes. "Fergus? AYE FERGUS HUNNY! WHAT'RE YOU DOIN OUT IN DEY WOODS?!" She yelled as if no one could hear her and staggered forward, running full on into Fergus, who lightly took her shoulders and pulled her into a standing position.

"Elena, dear, you're at home."

Elinor looked around and snorted. "Oh...AYE MERIDA!"

Merida looked over with a stupid grin on her face. "What?"

"WE'RE AT DA CASTLE!" Elinor hiccuped and snorted.

"I WOULDA NEVER GUESSED!" Merida screamed back, then broke into hysterical laughter, dropping to her knees and punching the hard winter dirt.

Elinor snorted loudly, "F-Fergus guess what 'appened today?!"

Fergus sighed, waving the servants away with his hand, making sure Maude took the boys with her.

"What, Elena?"

"I...I...hehehehehe shot meself...yeeeeeeeehehehehehehehe-" She broke into another bout of laughter and smacked Fergus's chest several times, her face turning red, coughing, slamming her fist on his chest even harder until she could breath. "I shot meself...in...in da ARSE!" She started snorting again

Fergus smacked his face as both women broke into even more hysterical laughter.

"I SHOT MESELF IN THE ASS! HAHAHAHAHA! I AM SUCH A DUMB ASS!" Elinor continued laughing and suddenly stopped, looking amused at herself with an oddly twisted face. "W-Wait I'm not a dumb ASS. Pfft I'm not a DONKAY I'm a WOMAN...I'M A SEXY WOMAAAAAAANNNN!" Elinor belted out "I'M A SEXY WOMAN!" loud as she could as Fergus despretly tried to quiet her.

"I'M A SEXY WOMAN! I"m not an ass! An ass is a d-donkay and I'm no donkay! I don't neigh! I. AM. A. SEXY. BEAST!"

Merida rose to her feet, stumbling over to her mother, slinging an arm over the womans shoulder. "Ye ain't a DONKAY Mum, but ye sure as hell LOOK like one! PHAHAHAHAHA!"

Elinor snorted and smacked Merida upside the head, "Well if I look like a donkay, YOU look like a...like a...LIKE AN ASS!"

Merida looked at Elinor with a stone face, getting the emotion returned from her mother.

"That wasn't funny Mum."

"I know Merida."

"Why do you make such stupid jokes, Mum?"

"Because Merida...I'm...a...DONKAY! EEEE-AH EEE-AH EE-AH! PHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

With that both rosy cheeked women fell on top of each other, rolling on the ground with laughter, holding their sides while Fergus cursed himself for not checking Elinor on the way out. Of COURSE she would bring bog whisky out to the woods. She ALWAYS did when he took her out without Merida when they were younger. And she ALWAYS had a sip each morning to wake up.

As they rolled and laughed, Fergus sighed, picked one up with each arm, and started to the stairs.

"Ye both are drunker than skunks durin' matin' season." He stopped halfway up the stairs and looks at the horses.

"STAY, HORSES...STAY!"

Angus and Fusia looked at each other, seemed to shrug, and walked to their stalls.

Fergus then turned back around and continued to walk through the torch-lit castle, dropping Merida off in her room.

"HEHEHEHEHEHEHE MUM'S A...Mum's a...Mum's a a...ass...hehehe..." Took less than that and Merida was out, snoring like a bear.

Next Fergus walked to his and Elinor's bedroom, layed her there under the blankets after getting her out of her (literally) bloody dress. He left her laying belly first on the bed so he could give the dress to one of the night servants to wash, and returned, finding her sleeping soundly, drool slipping out of her mouth and onto the pillow.

Fergus walked to the wardrobe where she kept her dresses, opened the bottom drawer and took out bandages and herbs, and then made a poultice with a few leaves and bandaged it over on her arse before putting the rest back and crawling into bed beside her, shaking his head.

"You're gonna 'ave an 'angover from hell, Elena." With that, watching her soundly sleeping, Fergus fell asleep.


	5. RUN QUEENIE RUUUNN

Harris, Hubert, and Hamish all huddled in a small secret passage in the castle walls, stuffing their faces with sweets stolen from the kitchen and planning their next little prank.

"Did you 'ere 'bout the bet Mummy and Meri got into?" Harris asked while licking creme from his face.

"Mummy bet Merida?" Hubert looked shocked. They knew well their mother didn't bet-she thought it un-ladylike.

"Yeah, Merida did somethin' that made 'er." Harris shrugged and stuffed a danish in his mouth.

Hamish nibbled the dry frosting from his fingers. "Well, whot they bet on, eh Harris?"

"Yeah, tell us what they bet oun." Hubert nodded.

Harris grinned. "I didn't 'ere everythin', but Mummy is going ta' 'ave to strip and jump into the harbor!"

Hubert and Hamish's mouths dropped open in disbelief. "No way!"

Harris nodded rapidly. "Uh huh. It's supposed to 'appen today."

Hubert stood, brushing his hands off on his kilt and stuffed the remaining sweets in his pockets. "Well lets go see! The village must be out watching!"

Harris and Hamish didn't need any persuasion, running down the small passageway meant for dogs or some other small animal and out into the corridors. Servants jumped out of the way as they ran, some looking uneasy since the triplets were known for their stunts and tricks. They went to the top of one of the towers and looked out across the village to the docks. It seemed the whole crowd was there. Easily visable was there father and sister's bright red hair. They stood at the front of the crowd, nearest the docks.

The brothers hitched a ride on a hay cart, jumping off in the middle of the village and running to the docks. They shoved their way through the crowd to their family. Merida looked down at them and grinned. Elinor was arguing with Fergus, wearing a drab and grey robe that blended well with the dirty village ground.

"Fergus! Ye can't be serious!" Elinor hissed quietly, balling her fists and glaring up at her husband.

"Ye made a bet lass! Ye can't go 'ginst yer own word to yer daughter!" Fergus whispered harshly, though anyone could tell he was trying hard not to laugh.

"Ye've gone mad! You're bloomin' bonkers if ye think that I-me, Queen Elinor!- is going to strip naked and jump ouff the dock- in front of thee whole clan!" It took all Elinor had not to scream this at him as she hugged the robe tighter around herself.

Fergus pinched her butt, getting a squeal from Elinor and laughs from the witnesses.

"Well ye arn't wearin' anything under the robe, so I don' think ye planned on winning this one dear." Fergus looked smug while Elinor glared and pounded his chest angrily with her small, dainty hands.

"Why ye-ye old bloody no good son of a-"

"Elinor, Elinor calm ye self lass." Fergus easily took her hands in his and started whispering to her.

Merida raised an eyebrow and looked at her brothers, who all looked as curious as she did. The rest of the clan- including the palace servants- were now gathered and watching. They stood on the ground, barrels, poles and roofs. Children on shoulders of their fathers and friends lifting each other up for the once in the life time chance to see the elegant and stoic Queen of DunBroch make an absolute fool of herself.

A number of minutes later Elinor, with the biggest sorrowful sigh anyone had ever heard, walked to the edge of the dock. Her face red as a tomato, she untied the sash of the robe and let it slip from her body, exposing her naked bottom to those behind her. Fergus grinned stupidly while everyone else burst into fits of laughter, some of the men so daring as to wolf whistle. Elinor looked over her shoulder at the lot of them, giving them the evil eye. It didn't work at all.

"Come on lass! Jus' one dip!" Fergus called in a teasing voice.

Almost shocking the group into silence, Elinor half turned, stomped angrily, and then flipped Fergus off. Merida covered her mouth, snorting madly as the wolf whistling incressed- the loudest of which was her father.

Elinor looked down at her bare body and gulped, glancing at the cold black water she was about to jump into. Breathing deeply, she shook herself out and then walked to the edge of the dock, curling her toes on the end. "Just do it, Elinor...You'll never have to do it again...just do it." She mumbled to herself before finally taking a great leap and diving into the water.

She was shocked by the sudden cold and swam to the surface within seconds, gasping. The crowd was cheering and clapping. She could see several of them laughing hilariously. Merida was leaning on her father, trying to regain her ability to breath. Hamish, Hubert and Harris were rolling on the ground. Elinor hugged herself and tread water, clenching her teeth to keep them from chattering.

Merida ran up and grabbed Elinor's robe right as the poor woman was about to grab it, planning to soak herself in it if it meant she could have some of her modesty back.

"Merida!" She cried, eyes widening.

Merida ran back to the end of the dock. "Ye want it? Come and get it!" She taunted, waving the robe about and then putting it on herself and immitating Elinor's straight stance and stiff face.

"Ye bring that back Merida Maria DunBroch!" Elinor shouted in anger, gripping the edge of the dock. Merida continued to walk around in the robe.

"Fergus!" Elinor cried, distraught.

Fergus, unfourtunetly, was laughing to hard to even hear her desprate calls.

Elinor spent a good 20 minutes freezing her butt of in the water. Within that time most all the crowd left, at which point in time she got the courage to lift herself to the dock and run to Merida, making a grab for the robe. Merida eluded her, a wild look in her eyes.

Elinor froze. "You wouldn't daure."

Slowly, Merida smiled. She then turned on her heel and booked it down the road, through the village, screaming and spinning the robe around.

Elinor-who forgot she was nude for the moment- ran after her, screaming in rage. The townsfolk watched in amusement and shock. Men wolf whistled, mothers covered the eyes of their children. Some men silently admired certain parts that jiggled on their dear queen, Fergus chased after the two women, the boys on his heels, trying to solve the embarassing issues while laughing himself.

Elinor chased Merida all the way to the castle, where the servants were stunned into mute, immobile silence by their naked queen rushing through. Merida led Elinor up the stairs, taunting her all the way, until they reached her and Fergus's room. There Merida tossed the robe on the bed. Elinor rushed over, pulled the robe on, and then flopped onto the bed, wheezing from the long run.

Fergus entered moments later and took Merida out of the room by the arm, intending to punish her. Elinor let him do so, dressing in a night gown with the intention of not leaving her room the rest of the day. She set to work brushing her hair. She'd just finished with the left side when Fergus came back in, sighing and muttering to himself while tossing the bow on the bed.

"I'm sorry, Elena." He apologized. "I didn't know she was goin' ta do tha'."

Elinor just smiled and walked up to her big softie of a husband, kissing him sweetly and then hugging him. "It's al'right Fergie." She looked at the bow and then back at Fergus.

"I took the bow away...she'll be gettin' it back on Monday." Fergus said, easily picking Elinor up for a spontanious, passionate kiss.

Elinor parted, giggling girlishly and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Wot brought that on?"

Fergus shrugged and grinned. "No idea."

Elinor played with Fergus's wild hair a moment before asking to be put down, grabbing Merida's bow.

"What are ye doin' lass?" Fergus looked curious. Elinor started to the door and looked over her shoulder slyly.

"You'll see Fergus."

Two days later Merida was lifting buckets and the lids off barrels. Looking into the various wells and digging into the haystack. When she joined her family for lunch, her hair was more wild than it had ever been.

"Whot is wrong, Merida?" Elinor questioned, stirring her coffee.

"'Ave ye seen me bow, Mum?" Merida asked wearily, shoving sweets and meats into her mouth.

Elinor shook her head innocently, sipping her coffee. "'aven't seen a bit of it."

Merida turned to Fergus. "Dad, ye told me I could 'ave it back today!"

Fergus blinked. "Well I don' know Merida. I put it on yer bed while ye was out on yer mornin' ride."

Merida looked confused and stared intently at her plate. Elinor and Fergus looked at each other, conceiling the smirks they so wanted to show.

"I guess I'll jus' 'ave to keep lookin'." Merida concluded, stuffing a muffin in her mouth and leaving the table.

Elinor chuckled quietly. Merida would never think of looking under the seat of the primary.

* * *

Heheheh AAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDD DD END STORY.

Yup, this is the last chapter people. I dearly thank you all for the wonderful reviews! It was my pleasure to write this and bring you laughter. :)

If anyone has any ideas for a short Brave fanfiction they'd like me to write, PM me! If I like the idea I will use it and credit you. :)

I do not own Brave, but this story is entirely mine and the creation of my mind. Please rate and review and have a wonderful bloomin' day. :D


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